Ain’t None Of Us Columbus

by J.R.

There’s a lot of confusion out there about whether or not Columbus is in Conference III.

It isn’t. Columbus was the lagniappe from the west, thrown in to encourage the east to accept Detroit. You can tell Columbus isn’t Conference III because Columbus is in Eastern Time.

That should be easy enough to remember but it obviously isn’t.

Here’s a helpful guide to differentiating between Conference III cities and Columbus.

Chicago

Why You Might Be Confused: Both Chicago and Columbus are Midwestern cities beginning with C. The hockey teams include a color (Black/Blue) and another element (Hawks/Jackets). Both have significant German populations.

How You Know It’s Not Columbus: This is the Sears Tower in Chicago (yes, I know it’s the Willis Tower now).

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This is a Sears in Columbus:

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Colorado

Why You Might Be Confused: The most common error is replacing Colorado with Columbus, which is probably due to the similarity of their names, their identical three-letter initialism, that they both have MLS teams, and that Colorado — like Columbus — was not blessed with being included in the Central time zone.

How You Know It’s Not Columbus: This is the highest point in the Columbus Metro Area.

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This is the highest point in the Denver Metro area.

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Dallas

Why You Might Be Confused: Both Dallas and Columbus use a shimmery star on their logos. They are also both known as “Cowtown.”

How You Know It’s Not Columbus: This is why Dallas is called Cowtown.

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This is why Columbus is called Cowtown.

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Minnesota

Why You Might Be Confused: The Twin Cities and Columbus are home to B1G Televenty schools. Both the Wild and Blue Jackets have made inexplicable logo decisions.

How You Know It’s Not Columbus: These are musicians from Columbus.

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These are musicians from Minnesota.

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Nashville

Why You Might Be Confused: Columbus is home to Ohio State University. Nashville is home to Tennessee State University.

How You Know It’s Not Columbus: Here is Ohio State’s band playing.

Here is Tennessee State’s band playing.

St. Louis

Why You Might Be Confused: Well, “Blues” and “Blue Jackets.” I mean, that’s pretty much the same thing. Also, Columbus calls itself “Arch City.” “The first of it’s kind.” “It’s.”

How You Know It’s Not Columbus: Here is an arch in Columbus.

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Here is an arch in St. Louis.

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Winnipeg

Why You Might Be Confused: Winnipeg is home to the Blue Bombers. Bombers are a kind of jacket. It’s possible.

How You Know It’s Not Columbus:

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