[Redacted] Trade Deadline Special Edition

by obscenealex

Greetings, [fellow travelers], and welcome to a special trade deadline edition of [Redacted].  Without further ado, let’s have a look at what each Conference III team did over the past few days.

Is there a Stanley Cup in there?

Is there a Stanley Cup in there?

St. Louis Blues

  • To St. Louis: Ryan Miller, Steve Ott
  • To Buffalo: Jaroslav Halak, Chris Stewart, William Carrier, 2015 1st round pick, 2016 3rd round pick

Analysis: See Monday’s Redacted Week in Review.

 

Chicago Butthawks

  • To Chicago: David Rundblad, Mathieu Brisebois
  • To Phoenix: 2014 2nd round pick

Analysis: Rundblad, who wants to see less of the press box, moves from one team with a deep, tough-to-break-into defense to another.  Upon hearing of the trade, Rundblad was overheard yelling “[OHNOTHISISVERYBADANDIFEELADEEPGRIPPINGDESIRETOUSESAILORWORDS]” before preparing the normal platitudes for the press.  Brisebois will be playing in Rockford.

 

Captain Fluffy Silver Locks is at it again.

Captain Fluffy Silver Locks is at it again.

Colorado Avalanche

  • To Colorado: Reto Berra
  • To Calgary: 2014 2nd round pick

Analysis: Someone nudged Brian Burke awake and told him it was the trade deadline.  His heart started to pound and trade options flashed through his mind, but his hair began to flutter and soothed him into a trance in which he traded Reto Berra to a team much better at goalie development.

Better than a monkey?

Better than a monkey?

Minnesota Wild

  • To Minnesota: Ilya Bryzgalov
  • To Edmonton: 2014 4th round pick

Analysis: Is the playoff insurance policy against Darcy Kuemper underperforming, Niklas Backstrom’s season-ending injury, and Josh Harding’s multiple sclerosis a guy who just attended an ECHL training camp or does Minnesota just plan to fire the Stalin-loving wannabe cosmonaut into the sun?

  • To Minnesota: Matt Moulson, Cody McCormick
  • To Buffalo: Torrey Mitchell, 2014 second round pick, 2016 second round pick

Analysis: I hope Matt Moulson just keeps his stuff in storage somewhere and stays in hotels.

Rumor is that he's disgruntled.

Rumor is that he’s disgruntled.

Dallas Stars

  • To Dallas: 2014 conditional 4th round pick
  • To Anaheim: Stephane Robidas

Analysis: Anaheim is doing everything it can to try to thwart a first round loss to Dallas.

  • To Dallas: Tim Thomas
  • To Florida: Dan Ellis

Analysis: Thomas is likely an improvement over Ellis and even if he’s not, as Brandon Worley of Defending Big D pointed out earlier on Twitter, Thomas is on a one year deal whereas Ellis was signed through 2014-15.  This move creates a situation where the backup role is Jack Campbell’s to lose next season.  As for what led up to the move, it’s very likely that Thomas handed Dave Tallon a list of probable playoff teams in red states, a list consisting of just one team.  Thanks, Obama.

Winnipeg Jets

Jets GM Kevin Cheveldayoff lived up to his name.

 

Double D trying to wash the shame away.

Double D trying to wash the shame away.

Nashville Perds

  • To Nashville: Future considerations (a [very cost-effective escort] and a used condom)
  • To Montreal: Devan Dubnyk

Analysis: Carey Price’s LBI can’t be that bad or else Montreal would have tried to acquire a real goaltender.

  • To Nashville: Patrick Eaves, Calle Jarnkrok, 3rd round pick
  • To Detroit: David Legwand

Analysis: Detroit earns a declining playoff rental.  Nashville earns someone who is not a Dynamic Scoring Winger, a pick, and a prospect with some upside.

 

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