Off-Day Optional Skate

by J.R.

In their infinite wisdom, the NHL has scheduled zero Conference III games today, so WWIGPOTW today and no IIIiteracy tonight and no Arbitrary Rivalry Wednesday again.

Instead, here’s a list of songs about each Conference III location.

Enjoy.

Chicago (NSFW)

Crook County” by Twista & The Speedknot Mobstaz is ostensibly a Bone Thugs dis rap, but when Mayz says “Don’t come to the Chi, it’s risky as hell,” you know he is referring to the Blackhawks’ 16-3-2 home record.

Colorado

Technically, it’s about the river — well, technically, it’s about a woman — but when Johnny Cash sings “If I had no love of life, I’d become part of your flow/But I’d fear the place you’d take me” in “You Wild Colorado,” it echoes a lament of a poor Avalanche fan, wondering how long the team has wanted to go upriver to Las Vegas.

Dallas

I’d bet you’d forgotten about Butthole Surfers‘ 1996 classic “Pepper.” You won’t now. It’s in your head for the next three hours. You’re welcome. We all thought the Stars would collapse after all the trades, but nobody told them. “You never know just how you look through other people’s eyes,” after all.

Minnesota

Ryan Suter will repeat the “it was about my family” line when he talks about signing with the Wild from now until eternity (ie: when his contract runs out) and Atmosphere has his back in “Say Shh“: “Got parks and zoos and things to do with my son.”

Nashville

There are legion songs about the Music City, of course, and even Jason & The Scorchers sang one — “Greetings from Nashville” — more explicitly about the city, but its declaration, sarcastic though it was, of the town as “the new LA,” doesn’t fit in a year when the Predators will not, like the Kings, fight tooth and nail for the last playoff spot and make a run. “Broken Whiskey Glass” is the city’s anthem, declares Jim Ridley of the Nashville Scene. And when Jason tells the unnamed lady that “the river didn’t seem so wide, but you were looking out, not inside,” he might as well have been singing about the outsized expectations David Poile et al had for the Smilodons this season.

St. Louis

Jeff Tweedy was talking about the Gateway City when he talked about all the bands he’d see at The Landing in the summer in Wilco‘s “Heavy Metal Dummer,” the only song I know that makes me want to go to St. Louis.

Winnipeg

One Great City! is one great love/hate song by The Weakerthans to the crown jewel of Manitoba from 2003 — a team when the line “The Jets were lousy anyway” made sense. Nice to have ’em back now, isn’t it?

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