Happy Hour In The Heptarchy: Soft Serve In A Helmet And Mimosas

by J.R.

It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?

Of course I am.

It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.

The Particulars

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This is a much nicer ballpark than Greer

What We’re Eating: My birthday was Monday but TMurda came round Sunday afternoon and we watched the Chicago-Minnesota game, drank High Life. The usual. Thing was — I felt a little off. Turns out I had a fever. By the end of the game it was a meager 100.8. An hour later it was 101.7. An hour after that 102.8. Fortunately it broke, and by the time it went to bed, it had fallen down the radio dial from Top 40 back into Second-Rate Country Station. All this by way of saying — TMurda came all the way out to my house and all we did was sit around because I was on the verge of the world’s most rapidly rising (and, apparently, falling) fever.

So to make up for that, we’re hoping the weather holds off, so the two of us and Skippy, the third member of our trio, can head out to noted shitpile Greer Stadium to watch our local AAA team, the Sounds. They have decent food out there and it’s cheap (as is the beer including the giant cans of PBR and, yes, High Life), but all I care about is that ballparkest food: soft-serve in a mini-helmet.

Mimosas_Belinis-1-1What We’re Drinking: Tomorrow is Nashville’s premiere (also, only) horse race — the Iroquois Steeplechase. There’s a case that where you sit at Steeplechase more or less reflects where in Nashville’s class system you reside. But I’m old-school and to me there’s only two places to sit at the Steeplechase — in a box (and my last name ain’t Acklen) or on The Hill.

Now there are great things about The Hill. But one drawback is a ban on glass bottles, so if you want to drink mimosas — and you do — you have to get creative. The best solution is one of those plastic gallon milk jugs of orange juice. Pour off enough OJ to have room for the champagne and you’re all set (don’t screw the top too tight and don’t shake the jug too much or, ya know, mimosa volcano).

Reasons To Celebrate

Anarcho-SyndicalismVNNBChicago: With Chicago, it always seems harder to find a reason to be sad than to find a reason to be happy. So…um. I guess you wish Patrick Kane would score more in the playoffs? OK, cool. Neat thing from your town: the former workers at the Republic Windows factory on Goose Island are now manufacturing windows as a co-operative. So, yay!, anarcho-punk!

Your Weekend Jam:No Island of Dreams” by Conflict

This is Sully and Jack

This is Sully and Jack

Colorado: You’ve gotten rid of Sacco and moved Sakic up, which I still contend was probably what you intended to do when you hired the former anyway. Could you lure Dave Tippett? Maybe. Hey, good news no matter what — this is a story about dogs with pictures of dogs. And here’s an explanation of why Denver’s Humane Society equivalent is called The Dumb Friends League (which would be a great name for a band).

Your Weekend Jam: Hot-Doggin‘” by The Astronauts.

this-is-how-baby-giraffes-sleepDallas: Eric Nystrom refused to answer important questions when he was running the NHL’s Twitter machine, but Antoine Roussel scored France’s game winner against Russia (you read that correctly). Plus, your zoo is trying this thing where animals, ya know, live together like they do in the wild.

Your Weekend Jam: Possum Kingdom” by Toadies

Minnesota: All that money and nowhere to go, eh? Must be a real bummer. But great news: your state is close to marriage equality.

Your Weekend Jam: Everything Falls Apart” by Hüsker Dü

victoria-jackson-communist-in-the-white-houseNashville: Apparently, Pekka Rinne was battling an injury all year and he’s going to miss some time rehabbing it (though he should be back for camp). And Victoria Jackson moved to the area. But Forbes says you’re No. 2 in the country for job growth!

Your Weekend Jam: Warm Ridin’” by Diarrhea Planet

St. Louis: Backs against the wall (Backes against the wall?) tonight in LA, but that’s OK, because if (when) you go to the clink, you can (but won’t) read the newspaper of your choice (No, Maxim is not a newspaper).

Your Weekend Jam: Jailhouse Rock” by The Residents

Winnipeg: Unemployment is up in Manitoba, which isn’t great because unless you are working, there’s not a whole lot else to do in mid-winter. Fortunately, the local PETA job is offering a something-to-do: an animal birth control event. Someone please go and report back to us at conferencethree[at]gmail[dot]com and tell us what that is.

Your Weekend Jam: I Want You To Want Me” by Propagandhi