IIIiteracy: 6 June 2013

by J.R.

A recap of tonight’s Conference III playoff action with help from the geniuses at SportsYapper:

Chicago 3, Los Angeles 2: On this, one of the most sacred days in American history, the LA Kings opted for a facsimile Pat Sajak performing a Neil Diamond act for the anthem (s/t to a couple good Twitter pals for letting me maul their jokes). At least he’s a motivator.

And because only four different players are allowed to score in this series, Anonymous KGB Agent No. 3 Slava Voynov opens it up early in the first. ‘Hawks fans can’t decide if Corey Crawford or brevet defenseman Sheldon Brookbank is to blame — it’s wheat.

Does Patty Kane need to be more cocky? The ‘Hawks draw a penalty, called, rightly, when LA touched the puck. Not everyone understands the rule.

Old Bingo ties the game, again, because only four players are allowed to score. He doesn’t remind me of Bufuglien because that is not a real person.

Intermission Breakdown Guy is the best.

Although, Should-They-Trade-Kane Guy is pretty good, too. You sir! You! Get out! Logic has no place in the Yapper!

Pancakery.

About 53 seconds of 5-on-3 after Anze Kopitarred a puck into the 19th row. Of course, no, they don’t score. Wheels flying off the bandwagon.

And it’s a day for the paranoids of the world…so.

Late in the second, oh how bout that Mr Kane gets a goal to tie it up and then draws a late penalty because we hadn’t seen enough of this hot and effective Chicago power play yet.

An absolute zooter from Hossa gives the Hawks their first lead early in the third. A beauty of a save from Quick keeps the lead at one.

#ShouldOf.

All kinds of ailments in Chicago as the game winds down.

And that’s it. So…Why don’t you tell me who’s on the phone?

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