III Communication’s NHL Awards Round-Up: Day One

by J.R.

The NHL, committed to the “Take Out The Trash Day” principle, announced eight awards today and some of the were even real awards people care about (some people, probably).

140990345Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy

This award — rightly so — went to Conference III’s Josh Harding, goaltender for the Minnesota Wild. I don’t know if the voting on this one is out there, but if someone didn’t vote for Josh Harding, they should have their membership in whichever group of people determine this award revoked.

Harding has a charity and it’s right here.

Frank J. Selke Trophy

tumblr_mlhhlgwouE1roeej4o3_500Another one absolutely nailed by the voters, as Chicago’s Jonathan Toews was named the league’s best defensive forward. While certainly a case could be made for Patrice Bergeron of the Boston Bruins — what with his 94 percent face-off percentage and his plus-9,392 Corsi and his QUALCOMP of [Whatever a good QUALCOMP would be]. Bergeron’s major drawback was not being in Conference III and not being sufficiently Serious.

clancyKing Clancy Trophy

The King Clancy Trophy is for the “player who best exemplifies leadership qualities on and off the ice and who has made a significant humanitarian contribution to his community.” King Clancy is what happens when the Masterton and the Messier trophy got together and got chosen by (I swear this is true) “a special panel of representatives” from the PHWA and the broadcasters’ association. They’re all special. Anyway. Bergeron won this and that’s fine, because I still have no idea what this trophy is for.

Lady Byng Trophy

This award was won by someone who is not Mr Patty Kane so here is a video of Afghan Whigs singing their song “Be Sweet” from the album Gentleman. I think Mr Patty Kane would like the lyrics!

Jack Adams Award

Joel Quenneville did not win, which is walrus feces, but we like Paul MacLean enough:

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n5155446194493077773wj5Mark Messier NHL Leadership Award For Excellent Captaincy and Good With The Boysness Presented by Bridgestone

Daniel Alfredsson won this stupid award that no one understands and that is possibly selected solely by Messier himself, which means the selection committee has roughly the same IQ as the people who pick the King Clancy Award (see above). Please lift up in the prayer the 46 smirking hockey bloggers who died while simultaneously diving for the same “Probably not” joke.

NHL Foundation Player Award

Some ding-dong from Detroit won this award, which is for being nice and charitable. Not really fair as the mere act of spending money in Detroit could be considered charity.

Here are The Foundations singing “Baby, Now That I’ve Found You”:

NHL General Manager of the Year Award

The Penguins’ Ray Shero won the Silver BlackBerry for being smart enough to generally manage a team that has two of the best players in the world, a Norris Trophy finalist and also trading for Doug Murray’s generous rear-end and Jarome Iginla’s history of Stanley Cup success.

Shero’s success comes from all the years he spent at the knee of his mentor, Nashville’s David Poile.

And now introducing: The Conference III Andrew Brunette Award For Guy Who is OK and Played A Long Time And You Probably Forgot About Powered by Miller High Life

The name of the award more or less serves as its warrant. Please cast your votes in the comments, via email to conferencethree[at]gmail[dot]com or on Twitter (@jrlind) using hashtag #TC3ABAFGWIOKAPALTAYPF

Here’s the award courtesy our good buddy Mighty Mike D