IIIiteracy: 17 June 2013

by J.R.

A recap of tonight’s Conference III Stanley Cup Final action with help from the geniuses at SportsYapper:

Boston 2, Chicago 0: Oh, hey, Marian Hossa is a scratch for the Blackhawks.

Not much love for Rene Rancourt from the Hawks faithful as Joel Quenneville is forced into making some weirdo line adjustments.

What IS Puff Nuts?

Hey, an early power play for the Blackhawks! Let’s see how it goes! Ha ha no.

Another one, no seriously, it’s still terrible.

This claim is so ubiquitous and I always assume it’s always fake, but now I’m not sure.

I posit the score would be much higher than 2-1 if there were no goalies.

Boston opens it up with a goal-off-a-turnover by Paille which erupts the yappers into the enlightening discussion about crowd noise.

Anyway, Kane sort of flubs a chance and ZOMG WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? If speed was Chicago’s one obvious advantage and Boston is so dramatically out-skating Chicago, was speed really Chicago’s one obvious advantage?

Remember, for all you young homers out there, when you can’t blame the refs, blame the ice.

A 5-on-3 results in the second Bruins goal of the net (just after the first penalty expired), a close-in rocket by Patrice Bergeron.

Is Aggressively Negative Guy worse than Blame The Ice Guy?

As we get going in the third, a trenchant piece of analysis.

The Hawks get a power play about halfway into the third and I don’t wanna ruin this for you if you DVRed it — it didn’t work.

The third was mostly watching the Blackhawks not do much of anything and the Bruins encouraging the behavior.

Alas: a power play late for the Hawks? It didn’t work and neither did pulling Crawford.

And then a stupid fight with so much at steak.

Here’s “Roadrunner,” because I like that song and it’s about moving aimlessly around Massachusetts, which is more or less what Chicago did.