Dallas Rides With Ruff

by J.R.

The Dallas Stars have hired Lindy Ruff to coach the team, making Conference III’s coaching fraternity the NHL’s grumpiest and continuing Dallas’ 14-year tradition of trolling Buffalo.

If Conference III was a bar, it’d be a bar in an industrial area that had been there for a million years, its zoning grandfathered by a city with more important things to deal with. It’d be populated with second shifters downing $3 pitchers and occasionally Thurston Moore would play there for some reason.

It’d have its funny but gruff old-timers — Claude and Hitch. It’d have its plain gruff old-timers — Joel and Barry and now Lindy. It’d have the young guy whose gruffness is enough to impress the grizzled types — Patrick. And then it would have that social-studies teacher and hyper-intense high-school coach who wears his Russell coaching shorts to the bar. Nobody likes Mike, but, eh, have to have somebody to make fun of.

Before Buffalo fired Lindy, he was the NHL’s longest-tenured coach, a mantle he passed to Trotz. They share a respect — hopefully, for Chambers Pot purposes, a grudging one.

Which Ruff Ryder is Lindy’s favorite? Probably Eve, because if there’s one thing Lindy Ruff likes it’s a lady, a real broad. It is definitely not Jadakiss, because Lindy Ruff is not going to tolerate a Truther.