Happy Hour In The Heptarchy: Red Gatorade & Fig Newtons

by J.R.

It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?

Of course I am.

It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.

The Particulars

3525034513What We’re Drinking: I had to run today for my actual, real-life professional writing gig. I know that doesn’t make any sense, especially since it wasn’t for a sports story. Heck it wasn’t even experience for a column. It was a for real estate-ish story. I needed to talk with the councilman who represents Charlotte Avenue about the future of the corridor and he suggested a run would be the best way to do that. A four mile run. I have run exactly 3.1 miles since I was discharged from the Navy in January 2006 and that one ended with free tequila. But, you know. Reporters have to do strange things. The councilman — the same guy who performed my wedding by reading the necessary text from his Blackberry — said it would be my George Plimpton moment. I was terrified. I was dreading it. It wasn’t that bad. I am going to drink my weight in delicious red Gatorade, pop 14 naproxen and sleep until the draft. But I survived!

41VJQVP2HFLWhat We’re Eating:  My lovely wife has been on a kick with Fig Newtons lately. Growing up I thought they were sort of gross, especially because I remember all the other delicious flavors they had — strawberry, apple and so forth. Why would you opt for figs? What even was a fig? Is a fig a fruit? It must be because they are fruit-and-cake. I had many existential crises as a youngster, including the most brutal one — when I discovered that my Panthor toy was just a Battle-Cat covered in cheap velvet. If all it takes to turn good to evil is a thin layer of cheap fabric, what chance do any of us have? I was a very philosophical five-year-old. Anyway. If you hated Fig Newtons as I once did, pick up a box. They are pretty yummy!

Reasons To Celebrate

Chicago: Winning a Cup is as good a reason as any to celebrate and celebrate you did today. Enjoy the park today because if you want to go to Promontory Point (which is a tautology) tomorrow, you can’t — George Lucas’ wedding reception is shutting it down.

Your Weekend Jam: “Catapult 30” by Wire


Colorado: The front office on the mountain is dedicated to reuniting the 2001 Avs, it seems, bringing it Alex Tanguay (and Cory Sarich). Good for them though, we’d expect nothing less from those wacky Avs. With the first pick Sunday in Newark, there could be much revelry in the Mile High City. If you’re on the other end of your career: the state retirement system is flying high!

Your Weekend Jam: “One” by Coheed & Cambria


Dallas: There is a lot of architectural news out of Dallas; it’s interesting. The latest is that the owners of the Museum Tower, in trying to find a way to keep their reflective surface from throwing light into the Nasher Gallery’s sculpture room, developed a plan to use oculi. It’s pretty crazy.

Your Weekend Jam: “Perfect Ten” by The Beautiful South


Minnesota: No first-round pick this year, it having gone to Buffalo for Jason Pominville. Bummer. The residential construction market is booming, though, and that’s wonderful if, say, you are a guy who still needs to sell his house in another city and can’t do so for reasons that don’t make much sense.

Your Weekend Jam: “Forty Six & 2” by Tool


Nashville: Almost everything you’ve learned about the founding of your city is an insidious lie! And sure, David Poile may draft a defenseman, but at least homicides are way way down.

Your Weekend Jam: “Positively 4th Street” by Lucinda Williams


St. Louis: No first-rounder for the Blues, either, as it went to Jay Feaster for J-Bo and will, therefore, be used to draft a fifth-grader from the Greater Southern Alberta Atom League. Maybe St. Louisers will find comfort in yet another big time soccer game. Remind me again why they don’t have an MLS team.

Your Weekend Jam: “47” by Sunny Day Real Estate


Winnipeg: Claude remains! And he’s going to coach 12 guys, because Kevin Cheveldayoff refuses to sign anybody apparently. Perhaps he is waiting on the outcome of the big decision about cat licenses, urban chickens and circuses using exotic animals.

Your Weekend Jam: “Thirteen” by Big Star


Did you get the theme?