Happy Hour In The Heptarchy: Tomato Pie and Tonic Water

by J.R.

It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission, if you’re in fact working today, which seems unlikely), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?

Of course I am.

It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.

The Particulars

Classic+Southern+Tomato+Pie+Cut+OutWhat We’re Eating: So those tomatoes from back in April are really coming in like gangbusters now. So much so that I’ll hardly be able to make enough tomato sandwiches to consume them all. And that’s where tomato pie comes in.

Now if y’all are from the north (especially Utica, NY) or cities with large Sicilian-American populations, your idea of tomato pie is something like this. It has a focaccia crust, romano cheese, built like a pizza in reverse.

In the south, a tomato pie is…a pie. Literally: sliced tomatoes, basil, cheese in backed a pie crust. Like a stargazy pie, except with tomatoes and not disgusting.

It’s a summertime treat (especially when those tomatoes have gone from ripe to…oh crap we need to use these up).

What We’re Drinking: Tonic water. Mosquitoes are everywhere.

Reasons To Celebrate

Chicago: After upsetting the entire hockey world with the disparagement of the Grand And Holy Traditions Of The Stanley Cup Touching and the Mighty And Ancient Prohibition Against Striding Across The Glorious And True Floor Logo, Chicagoans can be happy — especially if they are working in a pizza restaurant, rocking DAT HOCKS shirt. They might get a $500 tip.

Your Weekend Jam: “Eat To The Beat” by Blondie


Colorado: The Pepsi Center added a big superhuge massive megajumbotron and, rumor has it, Mr Kroenke is going to let the Avs use it, too! If that doesn’t get your blood pumping — maybe a little erotica written by a conservative Christian Republican Senate candidate will do it? She predicted an NHL team in Seattle and everything.

Your Weekend Jam: “Big Screen” by Wiz Khalifa

Dallas: The Dallas media was Very Serious about Tyler Seguin, introduced at a press conference this week. He’s already learned there’s more to Texas than just…well, you know…but don’t tell him about the whiskey.

Your Weekend Jam: “White Lightning” by George Jones


Minnesota: Congratulations on Jon Blum, I guess. He’s just the palliative that will calm the good people after you signed the rudest dude. And hey, you got a Stanley Cup. OK, it was just Nick Leddy bringing it to town, but close enough, right?

Your Weekend Jam: “Local Boy” by The Rifles


Nashville: Good news: Seth Jones signed! USA! USA! USA! Bad news? Only two home pre-season games…and one is against the Islanders. Best news: Tennessee leads the way in 3-D printed duck foot technology.

Your Weekend Jam: “Build Me Up Buttercup” by The Goops


St. Louis: The Blues dealt David Perron for Magnus Paajarvi and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad for St. Louis or for anyone else. The Blues did not, however, deal Alex Pietrangelo. And here’s a good deal: give to Goodwill in St. Louis, get donuts.

Your Weekend Jam: “Hot Jelly Roll” by Hot Tuna


Winnipeg: Congratulations? The Jets signed Matt Halischuk, which should totally ease the tension of the 96 arbitration hearings upcoming. If that doesn’t make Winnipeg a winning town, it’s no worries, as Sagkneeng’s got you covered.

Your Weekend Jam: “When I Win The Lottery” by Camper Van Beethoven