Happy Hour In The Heptarchy: Sad Little Tomatoes and Free Coffee

by J.R.

It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?

Of course I am.

It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.

The Particulars

small-tomatoes2What We’re Eating: I’ve been growing tomatoes this summer and they started out like gangbusters. But then, the Bermuda High stayed over the Azores all summer long and it never quite got warm enough for the plant to produce with the promise it had in the early summer. It’s barely cracked 90 all summer and today, in mid-August, the temperature here may get to 80. Maybe. If the sun comes out. So instead of the big slicers I’d hoped for, I’m stuck with tiny little tomatoes unsuited for my beloved tomato sandwiches or tomato pie. They are still delicious, just so very tiny.

What We’re Drinking: We’ve been moving offices around as part of the reshuffle here at work — which has resulted in a new project for me I hope you’ll read (that new project, in turn, spawned the greatest house ads of all time). And all that moving has resulted in many free things being left on the table in the breakroom. I’ve taken advantage of free Blackstone beer, for example. I have not, however, taken advantage of the free Bud Select, three lonely bottles of which have set, forlornly, like an unwanted puppy, looking for a new home. I also grabbed a whole box worth of Leipers Fork Coffee, no evidence of which can be found on the whole Internet, but I swear it exists. No coffee grows in Leipers Fork. Indeed, the only thing that grows in Leipers Fork is real estate values and whatever kind of tree produces reclaimed barn wood. Coffee was OK, though.

Reasons To Celebrate

Chicago: Quit yer bitching, you get to come to Nashville twice! What’s more, the Bears played like garbage and won and Jonathan Toews is a very honest man.

Your Weekend Jam: “Can’t Con An Honest Jon” by The Streets


Colorado: If nothing else, Erik Johnson is a funny dude. And Gabby Landeskog is coming back for plenty more. Beer Wars are back and ag exports are up.

Your Weekend Jam: “Seven Years” by Saosin


Dallas: As if you needed another excuse not to go to Plano, there’s West Nile there. You state AG has big old stones, though.

Your Weekend Jam: “Mosquito Song” by Queens of The Stone Age


Minnesota: Former Sen. George Mitchell is doing George Mitchell things, this time negotiating a resolution to the symphony lockout.

Your Weekend Jam: “Bastards of Young” by The Replacements, for no other reason than our good buddy FearTheFin suggested it as the Conference III theme song and it makes sense.


Nashville: A wonderful sense of relaxation is achieved when you stop worrying what They think of you. Because news about news is great, here’s a reporter from The Tennessean getting a little fired up in the comments of a competitor.

Your Weekend Jam: Babyhead” by Diarrhea Planet

St. Louis: Hey, is Alex Pietrangelo under contract yet? No? Distract yourself with the 5th Annual Cutest Pet Contest, which in St. Louis, I suspect, means whichever rat has the most authentic looking buzz-and-bangs hair-do.

Your Weekend Jam: “Dirty Old Egg-Suckin’ Dog” by Johnny Cash


Winnipeg: Man, the Bombers are terrible, right? At least the good people of Waskada are loaded, apparently. Thanks, Mabel!

Your Weekend Jam: “Mable” by Goldfinger