IIIiteracy: 1 October 2013

by J.R.

A recap of tonight’s Conference III action with help from the geniuses on social media:

So where’s the Yapps? Explanation here.

Blackhawks 6, Capitals 4: Let it be known — the first goal of the Conference III Era was scored by…Brandon Bollig?

And then Alex Ovechkin and Patrick Kane swapped markers, with their “Anything You Can Do…” routine:

The wailing sound you heard was Mikhail Grabovski scoring and the people of Toronto tossing themselves into whatever body of water borders Toronto (it’s not the Atlantic).

Anyway, Brent Seabrook broke the tie with a second period power play marker with Chicago native Connor Carrick in the box for the Caps (Carrick got walked around for Chicago’s first goal, too)

#FalseFlag

Hey, Conference III plays the Caps 13 more times after tonight; a tip: don’t give up any penalties.

These two had a helluva third period, trading chances and goals, with Johnny Oduya getting the Hawks’ fifth with around six minutes to go and this dingbat is a dingbat:

Because it was so insane, it ended with an awarded goal, which not everyone understands:

Jets 5, Oilers 4: Edmonton and Winnipeg ripped the season open with two goals apiece in the first period, including one each in the first like four seconds or something:

A reminder to the Jets — we rescued you from the east and we can send you back. Chill.

Ladislav Smid, who is somehow still on the Oilers, was very mean:

And Freek-a-Lik brings the Jets to 4-3. So here ya go:

And young Trouba, my oh my:

And Freek-a-Like one more time. Well, well. Helluva comeback, Frigid-Airs. Welcome to Conference III.

That’ll do it for Night No. 1, so hit me with it, Maxine:

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