Thursday Thirteen: Keepin’ It Down Home

by J.R.

Every Thursday we bring you the III Communication’s Conference III Power Rankings, the Thursday Thirteen.

This week, I’m happy to be home.

1. Colorado Avalanche: The Avs just keep on keeping on. Leave it to the NHL to pimp this highlight of Sidney Crosby walking Nathan MacKinnon (the Avs won the game, by the way).

2. Chained Heat III: Hell Mountain: You remember the Chained Heat series of women-in-prison exploitation movies, right? C’mon, admit it. The third installment of that august trilogy was named “Hell Mountain” and that’s important because the Predators called up goalie Magnus Hellberg after Pekka Rinne’s hip injury. Hellberg is “Hell Mountain” in Swedish (probably). Anyway, here’s the Chained Heat III movie poster:

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3. Chicago Blackhawks: Chicago is still good.

4. Annie Edson Taylor: On this date in 1901 — her 61st birthday — Annie Edson Taylor climbed in a barrel and went over Niagara Falls, becoming the first person to do so. Conference III is claiming her because she lived in Texas. She pulled the stunt because she was saddled by horrible debt and needed to avoid the poorhouse. She actually made enough money to survive, but hardly got wealthy, her savings eaten by bills to private detectives she hired to find the barrel, stolen by her business manager. Her quote on the experience:

If it was with my dying breath, I would caution anyone against attempting the feat… I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon, knowing it was going to blow me to pieces than make another trip over the Fall.

Righteous fear borne of courage. A Conference III virtue.

5. St. Louis Blues: Are the Blues still in the NHL? They haven’t played a game since defeating beating the Stars in Dallas 4-2 on April 2, 2007.

6. Michael Buble’s Baby: Michael Buble played a concert at Bridgestone Arena Wednesday night (the night after Nine Inch Nails; lots of crossover ticket sales, I imagine). The Preds presented him a jersey for his young son:

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Very cool of the team to give the kid one of Ryan Ellis’ game-worn sweaters.

7. Minnesota Wild: The Corsi-great Minnesota Wild got off the schneid by beating the Predators in a PDO-fueled….2-0 win. In the meantime, they caused some horrid infection to seize control of Pekka Rinne’s hip, something that would seem far more likely to happen in St. Louis, except that the Blues are no longer members of the NHL.

8. Nashville Predators: Still having trouble scoring, now without their ace goaltender. Still shooting a lot, though. Also, do not fear:

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9. Nashville crayfish: Call ’em crawdaddies, crayfish, crawfish or little baby lobster thingies, the crayfish is delicious. Not that I can eat them, what with my crippling crustacean allergy. Nashville has its own indigenous species that lives in Mill Creek and her environs. The dang thing is endangered, because it just doesn’t live too many places, but it’s actually doing pretty OK right now. It’s the ultimate Conference III role player of genus Orconectes: it can’t thrive everywhere, but where it can it does just fine.

10. Winnipeg Jets: Claude Noel still has a job. Good news for him. Bad news for him: the Frigidairs have to take on bugbear Carter Hutton tonight.

11. Coal Harbour, British Columbia: With all the MacKinnon-Crosby fueled obsession with Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia, a lament for poor Coal Harbour, B.C., which according to my research, has six floating homes, a rarity in Vancouver.

12. Dallas Stars: Negative points for trading Loui Eriksson into a situation where he could get clobbered by that doofus John Scott.

13. Spontaneous Bacterial Infections: Gross.

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