Thursday Thirteen: Chillwave

by J.R.

Every Thursday we bring you III Communication’s Conference III Power Rankings, the Thursday Thirteen.

This week, it’s getting cold and you need to chill out.

1. Colorado Avalanche: A loss to the Stupid, Ugly, Dumb Metro doesn’t kill you, and a big game tonight in St. Louis may help convince the final round of naysayers to stop saying nay.

2. Chicago Blackhawks: Now tied, points-wise, with the Avs, the Hawks may get a boost from a returning Threero.

3. Richard Overton: The nation’s oldest-living World War II veteran is a serious badass beyond the fact he’s a World War II veteran an 107 years old:

And, while giving credit to God for living well over 100, Overton says he doesn’t take any medicine and enjoys his vices.

“I drink whiskey in my coffee. Sometimes I drink it straight,” he said. “I smoke my cigars, blow the smoke out — I don’t swallow it.”

There are reports circulating the Flyers are trying to sign him to play on the blueline.

4. Minnesota Wild: Did you know Zach Parise has 34 shootout goals in his career? Isn’t that crazy? How will 10-minute overtime effect his long-term value (PS — it won’t, because by the time his contract is up, the world will be too hot for ice).

5. Mega Man: You seen these?

6. St. Louis Blues: The Blues are the ultimate testament to Conference III’s strength: fourth in the division with 25 points, they’d be first in the Metro, second in the Flortheast and, well, fourth in the Pacific, all while playing fewer games than any other team in the league.

7. Your mayor: Yes yours. Yours too. Also yours. And yours. Yep, yours. Mmhmmm, him too. And him. Outside of Karl Dean, I’ve no idea what any of these men did this week or this month, but they definitely didn’t do this and this didn’t happen and no football team in your town had to do this. Give it up for your mayor.

8. Dallas Stars: The Stars grabbed a win in Shawn Horcoff’s return to Edmonton and tonight they’ll have a chance to feast on Calgary if Jay Feaster hasn’t eaten everything already.

9. Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds: Anyone who’s ever visited Dover, Tenn. can’t exactly blame the kids there for finding unusual ways to entertain themselves:

Rural Stewart County experienced big city problems Wednesday after a little-known drug sickened several students.

School officials and law enforcement said they are taking the incident very seriously. The drug in question is called Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds.

It is a legitimate plant seed and is legal to buy. It mimics the high of LSD.

Five students at Stewart County High School were hospitalized after ingesting it Wednesday.

“This is the first time in my 24 years that I’ve dealt with anything like this,” said Principal Mike Craig.

Craig said around noon Wednesday a parent and student came into the office saying the child had gotten sick the night before.

About that same time, Craig said several other students reported some sort of drug might be in the school, possibly LSD.

10. Winnipeg Jets: Good news for the Frigid-Airs: They move off the bottom of the rankings. Bad news: Don’t get to play the Wings any more.

11. Sean Gentille: Our old pal Sheezy got duped.

12. Nashville Predators: It would be the Predsiest thing in the world for the team to even out the road trip by beating the Penguins Friday, giving the team wins over Pittsburgh, L.A. and Colorado, plus a Bettman point in Phoenix, while losing to the Jets, Devils and Isles in nearly-record setting fashion.

13. Nazem Kadri: Jerk.