Thursday Thirteen: Threes and Thaws

by J.R.

Every Thursday we bring you III Communication’s Conference III Power Rankings, the Thursday Thirteen.

This week, we’re melting.

1. St. Louis Blues: Our Conference III Championship Belt holders are still cruising along and will remain Bettman undefeated at least through the month of January. With 10 Olympians, they may need to bank points now.

2. Chicago Blackhawks: Did you know the Hawks are 4-6 in the shootout? Weird.

3. Mark “Coonrippy” Brown: We love raccoons here at III Communication so, like the Daily Caller, we are happy to endorse Mark “Coonrippy” Brown for governor of Tennessee:

Mark “Coonrippy” Brown, 55, pulled a petition for the office on Friday with intentions to challenge incumbent Gov. Bill Haslam in the Republican primary in August.

“This is all about the raccoon,” Brown said.

Brown gained national attention in July following the seizure of his pet raccoon, Rebekah, by Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency officials. Brown claimed he was targeted by the agency after videos of him with another raccoon, Gunshow, went viral. His quest to regain ownership of Rebekah was eventually featured on CNN when he appeared on the Anderson Cooper 360 RidicuList in August.

Brown said his letter to TWRA officials seeking a permit went unanswered and a petition to Haslam with over 60,000 signatures was returned unopened.

“Gov. Haslam ignored the cries from the entire United States,” he said.

4. Colorado Avalanche: The Avs just keep ‘avin’ it all, don’t they?

5. Sebastopol Geese: A tough couple of days for the Sebastopol geese that call Nashville’s Lake Wautauga home (Ed. note: Lake Wautauga is, generously, a quite-large pond in the middle of Nashville’s Centennial Park). First, they got frozen in the middle of the lake and then everyone started calling them ducks. What the cluck?

6. Minnesota Wild: A three-game win streak, plus a win against the Sabres, which does not count, pulls the Wild back into the top half of the board.

7. Lady Randolph Churchill: A happy 160th birthday to Lady Churchill, the mother of one of the great men of the 20th or any century, Winston Churchill. The great woman proved that the best British men come from American mothers.

8. Dallas Stars: The Stars will continue to tick you off for the next 40-odd games by making the playoffs that much harder to qualify for.

9. Robert Vick: What’s worse than prison? As Robert Vick discovered, being stuck in the sub-zero Kentucky countryside:

Vick, 42, escaped from a minimum security facility in Lexington on Sunday where he was serving a six-year sentence for burglary and a five-year sentence for criminal possession of a forged instrument.

He only managed one day in the elements, however, before deciding that there are worse places to be than prison.

With the wind chill at 20 below zero on Monday, Vick walked into a local motel and had the clerk at the desk call the police, according to Lexington police spokeswoman Sherelle Roberts.

10. Nashville Predators: Barry Trotz says the team is “Predator Hard” (?) playing better than they have in a decade and is talking about the Preds climbing back into the post-season hunt. What a world!

11. Nissan Versa: Of course, this giant Amazon delivery was in Conference III country. Of course.

12. Winnipeg Jets: WELP.

13. Elk: The geese above had human help to aid their escape. This elk in North Carolina is walking around with a car seat on its head.