Thursday Thirteen: Getting Torched

by J.R.

Every Thursday we bring you III Communication’s Conference III Power Rankings, the Thursday Thirteen.

This week, all eyes on Sochi.

1. St. Louis Blues: The Blues retained the Conference III Championship Belt and defend again Saturday.

2. Chicago Blackhawks: Winners of two straight, the Hawks — wearers of the Crown of Fecal Matter for another month at least — are banking points when they can as St. Louis eats up their games-in-hand.

3. American deer: American deer are smart. American deer, when it’s cold, head inside country clubs for warmth:


4. Colorado Avalanche: Could the Avs trade for Jaromir Jagr?

5. Winnipeg’s Statler & Waldorf: Statler & Waldorf are the Manitoba equivalent of Vancouver’s Green Men, trolling the Jets’ opponent from behind the bench, as they did to the Canucks with John Tortorella suspended:


6. Minnesota Wild: As required by NHL by-laws, the Wild made a trade with San Jose.

7. Big Mouth Billy Bass: Singing fake fish Big Mouth Billy Bass is a fixture on the wood-paneled walls of everyone’s country cousins. But Big Mouth Billy Bass is a hero in Rochester, Minnesota:

Authorities in Rochester say the motion-activated singing fish apparently scared off an intruder who tried to break into the Hooked on Fishing bait and tackle shop.

The novelty bass had been hung near the door and would start singing “Take Me to the River” whenever someone entered the shop.

The Olmsted County Sheriff’s Office says the fish was found on the floor after the intruder knocked it down while breaking the door to get in late Sunday or early Monday.

8. Christian Heinrich Heineken: Born this day in 1721, the “infant scholar of Lübeck” had a very busy life:

When he was eight weeks old, he could speak German. He read the Pentateuch at age one, and between the ages of two and three, he read the Old and New Testament in Latin. When he was three years old, he was said to have authored A History of Denmark and recited it when visiting the King of Denmark later the same year.

He died at age four from celiac disease.

9. Dallas Stars: The Stars missed a chance to scoot into the final playoff spot by only getting one point Wednesday night, but they are lurking.

10. Winnipeg Jets: Surging…

11. Nashville Predators: The Preds are over 50 percent in Fenwick close for the first time since December. Lo and behold, they’ve climbed back in the playoff conversation. Weird!

12. Hotel doors:

13. Czech deer: Unlike American deer, Czech deer are dumb, though keenly aware of history:

Though dismantled a quarter-century ago, the Iron Curtain lives on in the minds of many deer, according to a six-year study by researchers at Sumava National Park, at the western edge of the Czech Republic in former Communist Czechoslovakia.

“Deer on the Czech side of the Bohemian Forest wander no farther than where barbed wire used to mark the restricted area along the national border,” said Pavel Sustr, a park zoologist who headed the study.