Thursday Thirteen: Down The Stretch We Come

by J.R.

Every Thursday we bring you III Communication’s Conference III Power Rankings, the Thursday Thirteen.

This week, we’re into the stretch.

1. St. Louis Blues: Can anyone wrest The Belt from their collective waists? Nashville (and then, if the Preds fail, pretty much everyone else) will give it a go.

2. Chicago Blackhawks: Suddenly, the Hawks — who inexplicably still have the Crown of Fecal Matter — are looking up at the Blues with the Avs closing hard.

3. Joshua Cooper: The Tennessean‘s Predators’ beat writer unleashed a firestorm of speculation as Nashville wrapped up practice Wednesday:

Hmmm….was he traded? Well, yes, eventually. But:

Top notch Conference III trolling, Coop.

4. Colorado Avalanche:

5. Patrick Eaves: This once happened to Patrick Eaves —

Patrick Eaves is no Fraidy Cat, though. Patrick Eaves is now a Conference III man.

6. Minnesota Wild: Active players at the deadline, did the Wild do enough? Probably, because it looks like they’ve got No. 7 locked up anyway.

7. Bears:

8. Dallas Stars: As Obscene Alex put it, Dallas is lucky enough to be a playoff contender in a red state. Come on down, Tim Thomas!

9. Greg Novak of Gilman, Minnesota: Leave it to a Conference III resident:

Greg Novak says he’s invested hundreds of hours to build a 50-foot snowman named “Granddaddy” that he hopes will wake onlookers from their winter doldrums. And he admits it has some neighbors questioning his sanity.

Granddaddy began to take shape earlier this winter when the Gilman farmer needed to move mounting snow piles away from his greenhouses.

“As long as you’re moving it, might as well do something practical with it,” Novak said.

Minnesota: Land of 10,000 Humblebrags.

10. Winnipeg Jets: Here’s a complete recap of the Jets’ trade deadline moves —

11. Eugene Thompson of Houston, Texas: Leave it to a Conference III resident:

A Houston man used a replica sword from the Nintendo game The Legend of Zelda to stab the estranged husband of a woman he’s dating during a wild scuffle on Saturday, police said.

The best part is that nobody pressed charges, because this is a totally normal turn of events.

12. Nashville Predators: WELCOME TO JARNGROK!

13. Gastroenteritis: Trust me. You don’t want no part of that.