[Redacted]: Poophat Primer

by obscenealex

Poophat, not to be confused with Pope hat.

Poophat, not to be confused with Pope hat.

It’s finally that time of year again.  The leaves are turning, the air is beginning to get a little brisk, and the Conference III Crown of Fecal Matter is fresh, odorous, and steamy.  For the uninitiated reader, the infamous S— Stetson was introduced last season to be the yin to the Conference III Championship Belt’s yang.

The Winnipeg Jets ended last season with the S— Lid, losing to Minnesota, and they therefore begin the season with the fresh Fecal Fedora resting untidily atop their flow and occasionally dribbling down their faces.  However, it’s a new season.  The record book is reset.  Winnipeg can divest itself of the Merde Millinery and regain their pride—or shamefully retain it until a matchup with another Conference III foe later in October.

Tonight, the Jets will attempt to sloppily slap the greasy Turd Helmet on the heads of the Barry Trotz-less, still-trapping Nashville Perdators.  The fine people of Winnipeg are holding their noses and cheering you on, Jets, except perhaps Kevin Cheveldayoff, who is smiling somewhere in an alternate universe of prancing unicorns and giant pink, fluffy bunnies where Ondrej Pavelec is number-one goaltender material.  Do them a favor, give them something to cheer for, and relocate that smell to Tennessee.

Crown of Fecal Matter Number of Days Held

  • Winnipeg – 10
  • Nashville – 0
  • Chicago – 0
  • Minnesota – 0
  • Colorado – 0
  • Louis – 0

Crown of Fecal Matter Number of Times Held

  • Winnipeg – 1
  • Nashville – 0
  • Chicago – 0
  • Minnesota – 0
  • Colorado – 0
  • Louis – 0
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