Thursday Thirteen: Remember Page 2?

by J.R.

Every Thursday we bring you III Communication’s Conference III Power Rankings, the Thursday Thirteen.

This week I saw my boss reading something that was posted on ESPN’s Page 2. Remember that?

1. Kevin Vickers: Like most people, this is what I think of when I think of a sergeant-at-arms for a House of Commons in a constitutional monarchy:

Kevin Vickers


But thanks to his heroic actions yesterday, we now have this image of Canadian House of Commons Sergeant-At-Arms Kevin Vickers:


2. Chicago Blackhawks: With the big match-up of unbeatens-in-regulation looming tonight, we’ll give the edge to the ‘Hawks in the rankings due to the head-to-head win Saturday.

3. Nashville Predators: Yeah, I dunno either.

4. Jarrod Dyson: The Kansas City Royals speedy after-the-sixth-inning center fielder likes to dance:


And that makes Billy Butler want to dance:


As if that wasn’t enough, asked after the Royals Game 1 loss if the Royals had  sense of urgency to win Game 2 and Dyson responded, ConferenceIII-ly “We sure ain’t got no urgency to lose.”

5. Dallas Stars: Up to fifth. No, not the fifth-best team ever. Gosh.

6. The Minions: The Predators put the Minions from Despicable Me on a loop on the jumbotron during the Blackhawks morning skate. Rude.

7. St. Louis Blues: Seems like a team that needs to get going, doesn’t it?

8. Minnesota Wild: The Wild have only played four games, which seems weird. They’ve won two of them: both against Colorado.

9. Deinocherius: I always think it’s weird when people talk about a “new dinosaur,” but anyway. For fifty years, deinocherius was just a set of weird arms, but now:

“These new specimens really solve the mystery once and for all,” says Stephen Brusatte from the University of Edinburgh. “And they tell us Deinocheirus was much weirder than anyone could have imagined—a colossal, slow-moving, horse-headed, hump-backed dinosaur that looks like something out of a bad sci-fi movie.“

A scary terrible conglomerate of mismatched parts? Very Conference III.

10. Winnipeg Jets: NOT LAST!

11. Alan Knight of Swansea: This dude here faked a coma for TWO YEARS to avoid paying $64,000. Man.

12. Colorado Avalanche: Speaking of comas.

13. Nancy Grace: Happy birthday to the shrieking harpy of true crime and fear-mongering. Can’t wait to see what her hashtag is for her 65th.