[Redacted]: Catching Up
Happy Halloween, you bunch of spooky dark [entrances to tunnels of terror]. It’s been too long! I know. I have so much [loving stink] going on in my professional and personal life that it’s been hard to carve out time for my normal in-season weekly forays into the ridiculous with you, you jovial [family men]. It’s good [positive developments], though, except for the part where it keeps me away from III Communication.
Here’s a quick wrap up of recent events around Conference III before I finish a 50+ slide powerpoint deck and head to the Halloween store to pick up this year’s costume…
- The Assalanche “won” the “honor” of the Fecal Fedora from Winnipeg on Sunday in a 2-1 affair. The [Bottoms] will wear the greasy stink until Saturday, November 1 against St. Louis… unless they win, in which case they won’t have another chance to pass the turd until late in the month against the Butthawks.
- Speaking of Colorado, regression was the name of the game for them in the offseason, but did anyone expect them to be this awful? They’re hilariously bad, sandwiched in between Winnipeg and [Arizona] in the West.
- Dallas certainly fixed its power play in the offseason, but appears to have broken everything else. They’re still good enough for third in Conference III, but this team defense thing needs to be fixed, stat. Also, this weekend marks the moment where the Stars either resign themselves to having the usual terrible backup goalie or fire Lindback into the sun.
- Is anyone in St. Louis not sick or injured?
- Darcy Kuemper looked great this season until he took a giant dump in the third period against the Rangers on Monday night. Thanks for the fantasy stats, [Richard Cephalus].
- The Perds have started the season 6-1-2. That can’t possibly last.
- Is Brad Richards really on the fourth line? [My affections] Chicago.
On to other things… Before each matchup, David Wilson of Defending Big D runs a Q&A session with a blogger for the opposition. Today, it was with Jer Dobias from Battle of California regarding the upcoming matchup between the Stars and [Not legal in places with anti-fowl buggery laws]. In this round of Q&A, David and I collaborated on the questions and as would be expected when I’m involved in anything, one of the questions was a little too risqué for the Defending Big D readership. However, at Conference III, we can bring it to you in all its glory… unless J.R. redacts some of it.
10. The male duck penis falls off at the end of each mating season. How was your offseason?
Don’t worry about us, we picked up a new penis named Ryan Kesler.
There you have it, folks. You can probably expect more of these, and quite possibly in higher volume per team, as the season progresses.