Happy Independence Day, Conference III (Happy Thursday, Winnipeg)! A subtle reminder we need your help, probably.
I hope you’re all slathering on a mess of sunblock and chilling your finest American super-extra macrobrews, forming various ground meats into patties of random thickness and width to cook across the top of a flaming fire of freedom.
Yessiree, it’s July the Fourth, a celebration of liberty, megachurches, double-parking and the greatest hegemony the world has ever known.
Be proud of yourself, US of A, for you are responsible for 85.7 some-odd percent of the greatest hockey collective in all the land and you have the graciousness to include Winnipeg, because in addition to being powerful and strapping and tanned, you are also a nice person who does nice things for people; yes, America, you are Freddie Prinze Jr. in She’s All That.
And Conference III contains the best parts of America — from the golden shores of Lake Michigan to Tennessee’s verdant hills to the heft of the Metroplex to the snow-capped majesty of the Rockies to the mighty headwaters of the Mississippi to the whatever is in St. Louis (view of East St. Louis?). And Manitoba, which is an old Ojibwe word for “Honorary America.”
One sweet day, I’d like for all of Conference III to come together for a big old cookout and we’ll all get fat and drunk and then we’ll get in fights and cry and hug, because this is America and this is Conference III and that’s what we do. In the meantime, we’ll have a metaphorical cookout — potluck and BYOB, with a playlist of rockin’ American music and a guestlist of kickass Americans (s/t JC). And, yeah, Winnipeg, you’re invited.
It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?
Of course I am.
It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.