Welcome to the [Redacted] Week in Review, [darling readers]. I’m your host, Obscene Alex. Let’s get down to business. This week, with a couple of exceptions, our topic is going to be goaltending.
(except this week obviously) [Ed note: I’m an idiot] bloggers from around The Heptarchy will update us on the news and notes from their teams (with that fancy header image courtesy of Mike D; like democracy itself, it’s a perpetual work-in-progress). Yes, we ripped this off from TRH’s Pacific War Room; no, we don’t care. And since we ripped it off, we’ll follow their lead and go in standings order.
Today is Mardi Gras, Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday.
In Britain, particularly, the day is a day for mob football — wild, raucous affairs with goals miles apart and teams of hundreds. Scoring is difficult (in some cases nearly impossible). It is basically an excuse to get drunk and run around in the early spring’s relative warmth for a few hours.
It is a very Conference III sport and, in celebration, the NHL has scheduled six of the seven teams in its best division to play in their on-ice version of mob football. Conference III hockey is similar in spirit to these medieval carryovers, except that in Britain, there’s often more room to operate.
In a special Shrovetide edition of the Game Previews, we answer the question: which absurd, lawless and dangerous version of mob football best describes each game?
With the trade deadline looming, we’ve asked our usual cadre of bloggers from around The Heptarchy to give us some idea of what the hay is going on with each team. Yes, we ripped this off from TRH’s Pacific War Room; no, we don’t care. For our special trade deadline edition, we’ll go in alphabetical order:
It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?
Of course I am.
It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.
Today in History
In 1983, Irish racehorse Shergar disappears — much as the NHL season will briefly disappear today — seized not by the patriotic fervor the Olympic endears, but by armed gunmen who almost certainly (though not definitely) were members of the Provisional Irish Republican Army attempting to extort the horse’s ownership syndicate — including various Astors and the Aga Khan IV — for money to purchase arms.
Shergar was, perhaps, the most famous racehorse in the world in 1983, having won the Irish Derby and King George in 1981, retiring with a record of 6-1 and remaining in Ireland to stand stud, an unexpected move. But then he was stolen and never seen again.
Today In History
It was the beginning of the successful U.S. space program and, ergo, the beginning of the Cold War Space Race.
It stayed under power for 136 days and in orbit until 1970 making more than 58,000 orbits.
Hers was a scientific mission — part of the International Geophysical Year — but there’s no doubt there was a little of “oh hey Russia we can do that, too (finally!)” involved too. After all, the U.S. trotted out Wernher von Braun at the press conference (as pictured). That’s a little bit of a how-do-you-do to the Soviets.
Today In History
On this day in 1393, Charles VI of France hosted what would be known to history as the Bal des Ardents. Our French-speaking friends know that means “The Ball of the Burning Men,” which may be the most Conference III name for a party ever.
Charles became king on the death of his father, Charles V, at just the age of 12. Now 15, the party was intended to raise his spirits, one of many events planned to raise the spirits of Young Chuck, who had a bit of a spell the summer before.
Officially, the ball was to celebrate the third marriage of one of the ladies-in-waiting of Charles’ wife and, in the 14th century, remarriages of widows were often occasions for tomfoolery.
But this one went horribly awry.
Holy [cow], this was a crazy [fuddledudding] week. The same day we launched the Conference III Crown of [Fecal Matter], the Perds made sure the Stars had a Stetson full to the brim with manure by giving them a 4-1 shellacking, making their record an abysmal 1-8-1 in 2014. It was the first time the Stars wore the infamous [chapeau de connerie] this season and some of you blamed me for the loss, claiming that this great new award was a jinx. [Flip] you! You should have had more confidence.