Blue Peter: On Horachek, Heartbreak and Inside Jokes

In his last second-period intermission interview of the 2013 season, Predators associate coach Peter Horachek wrapped things up as he usually did — by praising, with a hogshead of faux-sarcasm for the questions asked by Pete Weber and Terry Crisp. I know that seems either tautological or oxymoronic, but he is acting like the praise is sarcastic as a joke on his reputation for having disdain for Pete and Terry’s questions.

But then he said something to the effect of “And for J.R. and everyone else out there, I’ve got the gravel all ready for the summer.”

At that moment, a man who had long been a punchline — unknowingly at first and always treated lovingly — gave a big fat wink to the crowd in on the joke, letting them know he was in on it, too.

It was as if a character became ever more cognizant he was a character and then finally acknowledged his author.

And, in this case, that marked the end of the character. Peter Horachek was fired by the Predators, — by phone! —for reasons I don’t fully comprehend (and neither did he), unless someone at the top said someone had to go and decided it would be the second-in-command.

But Peter Horachek wasn’t just a character, of course. He was an actual person with an actual job (at various times in his career with the Predators, he’d been in charge of the power play and/or the defensemen). And his departure from the Preds means, at least for the time being, one of Conference III’s Three-ist men is unemployed.

But let’s go back to the beginning.

IIIiteracy: 20 May 2013

A recap of tonight’s Conference III playoff action with help from the geniuses at SportsYapper:

Trialogue: Talking About Hal Gill And Art Garfunkle With Hockee Night

This week, J.R. joined C.T. and Fork for Hockee Night’s PUCKCAST. It was a good time. To quote my hosts, we talked about:

• Clambake
• Is Hal Gill responsible for the recent rash of Sasquatch sightings in the Nashville suburbs?
• The new rivalries of Conference III
• Canada’s version of Memorial Day
• What it’s like to be an intern on Coach’s Corner
• Elvis’ best movie

As always, direct inquiries to conferencethree[at]gmail[dot]com or tweets to @jrlind.

IIIiteracy: 18 May 2013

I ate French toast today

A recap of today’s Conference III playoff action with help from the geniuses at SportsYapper:

Detroit 4, Chicago 1: Plenty of confidence from Chicago pregame with a 1-0 series lead and priorities straight. But how that confidence faded with “suspicious” “non-calls” early on. And all that confidence seemed justified when Patrick Kane scored first.

Even with the smallest of leads, the yappers saw an opportunity. Alas, that lead was erased by Brunner — a “hirrible” goal to give up.

ARE YOU A PANZY? Google the streak, bro.

A gorgeous goal by a pinching Smith gave the Wings a lead — of course, they did not deserve it. And when the Mule added the insurance goal, all those good feelings were gone.

I bet you’re not the only one, chief. All of sudden, is the regression on?

Do the Wings have the ‘Hawks on the run?

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Happy Hour In The Heptarchy: Boat Drinks and Fish Sandwiches

It’s five past 5 across Conference III (leave work early, Colorado — you have our permission), time to hit bricks and get that freakin’ weekend started, am I right?

Of course I am.

It’s been a tough week for some of you so loosen your belt, pop a top, grab a spoon and stop being such a sourpuss. III Communication’s got good news for everybody.

IIIiteracy: 15 May 2013

A recap of tonight’s Conference III playoff action with help from the geniuses at SportsYapper:

Chicago 3, Detroit 1: Ah, here we are. What with the yelling and the what have you. Great early chance for the Hawks, and then Justin Abdelkader messed with the Rosie and got the thorns.

An early power-play goal from Marian Hossa was followed almost immediately by a matching goal from Young Boy Brunner.

Yes, let’s talk about why Stalberg is a scratch and then let’s speculate where he’s going to be next year.

Some people just cannot be pleased, can they? Some people just live angry lives. And the first period ends in need of untying.

IMPORTANT: Autocorrected or no?

ALSO IMPORTANT: “I love toes.”

Bolland opens the third with a great chance to break the tie. Alas. Jimmy Howard is a far piece better than whatever finished the series in Minnesota (riffin’ on Slaky here).

Oh. Do ya? 2-1 Hawks. And Kruger makes it three. And one to grow on with an empty netter from Sharpie.

In honor of our game winner, the terrible Samantha Fox:

Playoff Threeview: Chicago & Detroit

1. Blackhawks 36-7-5 (77 points, 1st in Central, 1st in Conference III) vs. 7. Red Wings (24-16-8, 56 points, 3rd in Central)

Season Series— Blackhawks 4-0-0 (Only one game was decided in regulation though — and it was a doozy)

Playoff Leaders— Blackhawks: Marian Hossa (3G, 3A, 6 Points), Patrick Sharp (1G, 5A, 6 Points), Patrick Kane (5A), Bryan “Bingo” Bickell (37.5 SH%), Michael “Freek-A-Lik” Frolik (1 SHG) Red Wings: Henrik Zetterberg (3G, 5A, 8 Points), Pavel Datsyuk (5A), Johan Franzen (3G), Justin Abdelkader (+4, 15 PIM)

Probable Goalies: Blackhawks: Corey Crawford (4-1, .950, 1.32); Red Wings: Jimmy Howard (4-3, .911, 2.74)

Come And Show Me Another City With Lifted Head Singing

This is the Chicago Symphony Orchestra — one of the Big Five American orchestras — performing Dvorak’s No. 9 From The New World. It is considered a classic of the Romantic repertoire, a piece of music so beautiful, every movement on its debut was met with thunderous applause:

This is Detroit’s Eminem performing his classic “Ass Like That,” a song which features the lyric “The way you move it/You make my pee-pee go/’Doing-doing-doing’”:

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I Have Seen Your Painted Women

This is a picture of the Beaux-Arts classic 35 East Wacker Building in Chicago, “a skyscraper out of time. Though born in the midst of the Art Deco movement, its form and decorative flourishes are clearly influenced by Roman, Greek, and Gothic architecture. Through its dome, its spires, its copulas, arched windows, and more it manages to combine differing styles to create an intricate visual delight.”

This is a video of a Red Wings fan shaking her breasts at a referee.

They Tell Me You Are Wicked And I Believe Them

This is Vincent Price reading Sandburg’s “Chicago.”

This is Kid Rock wearing a Red Wings t-shirt.